Why Are Addicts So Angry?

Addiction and anger go hand in hand. Someone who’s in the grips of active addiction will have a hair-trigger temper. They will get set off by seemingly minor things. A simple question like “Hey do you want to run to the store with me?” leads to a barrage of anger and frustration. “Damn it mom what the hell did I say about knocking on my door? Why is everyone so damn nosey around here, this is why I can’t sleep right.”

You may have found this article because someone you know is in the grips of active addiction and seems to always be angry. This may be totally out of character for them. They were never an angry person before. You may be asking yourself some of these questions:

• • • • • • What is going on with them?

          • Why are they always getting pissed off and lashing out at everyone?

          • Why do they always get angry and upset when all I’m doing is trying to help them? 

          • What is triggering this anger?

A person who was never thought of as angry might be set off at the drop of a dime during addiction. Prior to the age of 16, I don’t think anyone ever used the word angry to describe me. Sure I had the occasional outburst like every other teen boy but 98% of the time I was an easygoing person. There was a direct correlation between my drug and alcohol use and my anger level. When one went up so did the other. But why do drugs make people angry?

Why Are Addicts So Angry?

When a person in active addiction is feeling ashamed, humiliated, disrespected, pressured, afraid, anxious, etc. they will express these emotions through anger. Anger is often considered a secondary emotion. Anger is defined as a strong feeling of displeasure, annoyance, hostility, or antagonism. An addict in the grips of addiction will resort to anger in order to cover up and mask their true emotions. They believe it is better to be seen as angry, than scared or ashamed. Bubbling under the surface of any angry addict is someone who is scared, nervous, ashamed, and guilt-ridden. If the person is expressing any of these emotions in a very intense manner it is often viewed as and called anger.  

Many people in active addiction have learned throughout their lives to use anger as the primary method for expressing emotions. This may be due to upbringing, societal expectations, biology/genetics, or learned behaviors. When a person learns to make anger their primary emotion it becomes a habit. During active addiction when any other emotion comes up, the brain and body jump to anger because it has been trained to use this emotion to survive, and save face.

The world of active addiction is rough and cut-throat. It’s always better to be seen as an angry person than to be seen as scared, humiliated, ashamed, or guilty. These emotions are viewed as weaknesses on the streets. Showing vulnerability on the streets is a recipe for getting taken advantage of, addicts know this. Covering these vulnerable emotions up with anger is part of a survival mechanism. 

Anger Is A Secondary Emotion

Whatever the emotion that is truly being felt, addicts in active addiction have coping tools to help them deal with the life they’re living. I would routinely resort to anger to express my fear. Anger is one of the emotions that trigger the “fight” in the “Fight or flight” response. When the stakes are often life or death, literally, anger comes in handy.

I know situations, where I was on the verge of getting robbed, manipulated, or taken advantage of, I was scared to death on the inside. “Are these guys gonna pistol whip me? are they gonna short me on my drugs? Am I gonna make it out of here alive?” The common emotion I was feeling was fear. I was scared to death about what was going to happen, how to handle the situation, and how I could get my drugs. But during that situation, I can’t show fear. Anger, anger is the best way to play this. That’s how addicts react in fearful situations. When this behavior is repeated over and over again in these situations it becomes a habit. Then when the person is with family or friends and they are scared they automatically respond with anger.

Fight or Flight

The drug user is in uncharted waters. They are experiencing new feelings and emotions on a daily basis that they never had to deal with before. They don’t know how to express these emotions. Being vulnerable and admitting we have a problem is not something many of us addicts wanted to ever do, especially during the beginning stages of our addiction. To avoid questions, confrontations, and hard conversations we jumped straight to anger. 

I know for me just waking up was something that caused me anger and pain. When I woke up I would be in the beginning stages of withdrawal. I was pissed at myself for how much money I spent the night before. I was guilt-ridden, shameful, and most of all scared. Scared about how I was going to get my next fix and get rid of these withdrawals, scared about how I was going to deal with whatever damage I caused the day before, scared about facing my loved ones.

When I opened that door and had to face my family, usually anger was the immediate emotion. This helped me cover up the vulnerable emotions as well as try and escape the hard questions and inquiries. My “Fight or Flight System” was in full response mode. I need to fight quickly to avoid a long drawn-out deep conversation and I need to get the hell out of here to go find a way to get more drugs. This is what can lead addicts to isolate (Why Do Addicts Isolate?).

Withdrawal Triggering Anger

Many of these emotions are being triggered and exacerbated by biological and physical factors. The person’s body is in physical withdrawal whenever they don’t have enough of their substance and this can cause: increased heart rate, sweating, upset stomach, diarrhea, vomiting, and many more symptoms. The person is scared and doesn’t know what is happening.

Just like in the example at the beginning of this article, a simple question can lead to a huge fight. This is caused many times by physical responses caused by excessive drug and alcohol use. For more info on opioid withdrawal symptoms check out this article: (First 30 days of Detox.) Inside this person’s body, changes are happening that they’ve never experienced before. Their body has become dependent on these drugs or alcohol and now is in a state of imbalance. Because of these crazy emotions and changes happening inside their body they will lash out at others. This is the outer emotion or secondary emotion. The true emotion under the surface is fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, and even basic survival instincts.

Genuine Anger

A person in the center of addiction will many times just flat out be angry. As previously talked about many other emotions are hiding behind this anger but many times its just plain anger. It is an unbelievably frustrating feeling to be a slave to a substance. No matter how hard we tried to quit, how many times we tried to control it, we just can’t. This will create built up and pent up anger. This anger is usually a sign of an internal struggle even if it’s directed at someone else.

It is very easy to start down the self-pity victim cycle during addiction. Once we began to feel that the world has dealt us a bad hand and are a victim, it becomes very easy to angry at anything and everything. (Why Do Addicts and Alcoholics Always Play The Victim?)

Walking On Egg Shells

If you live with someone in active addiction you may feel like your walking on eggshells whenever they’re around. I have seen entire families get destroyed because of someone in active addiction in the household. This can and will cause friction between everyone in the house. You may want to talk to the person but you don’t know what to say or how to say it.

• “I don’t want to trigger them”
• “I want to talk about the elephant in the room but every time I do they lash out”
• “What should I say, what can I say, What is ok to talk about without them losing it?”

Living Life worried about someones else’s anger is a recipe for disaster. This is giving the addict total power of how everyone else in the household lives their lives.

How To Confront the Person and Get Past The Anger?

Asking these hard questions to someone in active addiction is not easy. They will respond with their fight or flight system. Either get angry that you are asking them these questions or isolate and leave. I’m a firm believer in facing things head-on, especially when it comes to addiction. Avoiding the hard questions and conversations out of fear that the person might lash out is unacceptable. This is enabling their negative behaviors and choices. (What’s The Difference Between Helping and Enabling?) 

Whenever my family would question me on things I would always start with those 2 automatic responses “fight or flight”. When I engaged in the flight and left, they just left it alone until I came back. When I engaged in the fight and tried to flip it, they did a good job of keeping the conversation centered on me. Try to dig deeper to see what the underlying emotions at play are. I always broke down and admitted I needed help.

That is the key and the goal. Getting past the anger and to the primary emotion at play. A word of caution with this, It may sound simple but getting someone in active addiction to breakdown can take years and many failed attempts.

Prior to these heart-to-heart conversations, there was always some type of fight or tirade. Even after one of these heart-to-heart emotional conversations with my parents I would still leave the house and go get high. That’s all I knew. Get high when I’m sad, mad, angry, happy, scared, you name it. If the person does go and get high after, it doesn’t mean the conversation was for nothing. The goal is to keep planting seeds and to stop enabling them.

Self-Care/Take Care of Yourself

It is very common for family and friends of an addict to let their own needs go for those of the drug user. Don’t let this happen. Make sure you take care of your own physical, mental, and emotional needs. Remember “You can’t help others until you help yourself”. Many people say that quote is selfish, but I can tell you from experience it’s not selfish and it’s 100% true. If you don’t take care of your own body and mind what good are you to help others? 

Don’t let the user change the way you live your own life in your own house. Their anger and fear shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. You have the complete right to continue to live your life and behave however you feel comfortable. If the addict is going to throw fits, tantrums, and be angry then you can set rules, boundaries, or kick them out.

Let them know that their outbursts are unacceptable and that you know underneath the anger is fear and shame. This should help break down the barrier of conversation with them.