What’s The Benefit of Doing The 12 Steps?

People are like snowflakes, no two are exactly the same. Just like no two people are exactly alike no two recovery programs are exactly alike. Many are very similar but not identical. I believe any program that is helping someone stay sober and not live a life of misery in active addiction, is a good program. With that being said, certain programs have tried and true histories such as AA and other 12-step programs. 12-step meetings are not for everybody, but many people have found long-term sobriety and happiness following the principles and methods of 12-step programs.

I have brought 9 friends and family members to 12-step meetings with me. None of these 9 people have a problem with drugs or alcohol, they came as support. After the meetings, every single one of them told me how shocked they were by how upbeat and positive the meetings are. 4 of them continue to go with me on a regular basis because the meetings help them be a better person. AA and other 12-step programs are designed to be a new way of life for people with alcoholism and other addictions, or anybody for that matter.

What Is The Benefit Of Going Through The Twelve Steps?

The 12 Steps are a set of guidelines for spiritual and character development—a blueprint for recovery (source). The twelve steps are designed to work through whatever trauma, issues, or doubt that is causing you to drink or drug. New science suggests there is a genetic factor to addiction but the majority of us addicts have underlying reasons or issues fueling our drinking or drug use. Something in our lives or our past is causing us pain that we have never dealt with. This pain may be from childhood trauma, sexual assault, self-esteem issues, or any number of countless other issues or traumas.

The twelve steps were created to work through that trauma or pain and come to terms with it. The goal of working the twelve steps is transformation. Being in recovery is not just about being sober. It’s about becoming a better person in every aspect of our lives.

Many people don’t ever take the time to reflect on their lives. Everyone has past issues, traumas, resentments, character flaws, or general dissatisfaction of some sort. This is especially true for addicts and alcoholics. We have caused major damage to ourselves and others during our active drinking and drugging days. In order to move forward in life, we have to understand and accept our past. The 12-steps will help you accept your past, come to terms with it, and move on in life.

“We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it”

-AA Promises

Principles Of The 12- Steps

Each step has an underlying principle associated with it. These principles are associated with what the purpose of that specific step is. As you go through each step one of the goals is that you will start living your daily life with that underlying principle in mind. For example, the principle associated with step 1 is honesty. After completing step one we should try to live our lives more honestly. This means being honest with others, but also with ourselves.

What Is The Point Of Each Step?

Steps 1-3 – Admitting, Opening Up, Creating Hope 

Step 1 –  “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable”

Step 1 starts with the word we for a reason. 12 step programs are we programs, you don’t have to do it alone. Admitting you have a problem, and that problem has created unmanageability in your life. Many of us addicts and alcoholics spent years finding reasons and excuses for why things never worked out. “I have bad luck, I was in the wrong spot at the wrong time, the cops just happened to drive by, my boss fired me cause he’s an asshole not cause of my drinking”. The first step of beating any problem is first admitting you have a problem and stop living in denial. This can be a huge barrier for many people.

Step 2 – “Came To Believe That A Power Greater Than Ourselves Could Restore Us To Sanity”

Understanding your concept of a higher power and learning to rely on your higher power is an important part of step 2. Hope is the principle for this step because you can find hope in your concept of a higher power whatever that may be. Many people think AA and 12- step programs are religious, this is not so they are spiritual programs. Your higher power can be anything you choose.

• God
• Allah
• Jesus
• Nature
• The universe
• G.O.D (Group of drunks)
• G.O.D (Gift of desperation)

When we are in an active state of drinking and drugging we are basically insane. We are doing the same thing (getting drunk, getting high) expecting different results.

Step 3 – “Made A Decision To Turn Our Will And Our Lives Over To The Care Of God As We Understood Him”

Faith is the principle for step 3. When we tried to run our lives on our own will, what followed was drinking, drugging, misery and pain. This step is about learning to accept the world. We can’t control anything in the world except our attitude. Faith, in step 3 is learning that if we do the right thing, be kind to others, and help others on a daily basis things will work out for us.

Steps 4-6 – Internal Cleaning, Digging Deep Inside Ourselves, Examining Our Character, Willingness

Step 4 – “Made A Searching And Fearless Moral Inventory Of Ourselves”

This step is about dealing with past trauma, resentments, pain, guilt or anything keeping us sick inside. We get these issues off our chest but also come to terms with whatever issues are propelling our addiction. We have to be brutally honest with ourselves during this step. Many people consider step 4 the hardest step. We are basically going through every past mistake, wrong, or resentment we have ever had. But I can tell you from personal experience after completing this step and getting all that poison out of me, I honestly felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Step 5 – “Admitted To God, To Ourselves, And To Another Human Being The Exact Nature Of Our Wrongs”

Step 5 is about truly releasing this poison from us. I needed to learn that my higher power, sponsor, and other members of AA will be there to help when I’m struggling. The 5th step is about letting go of our ego. We are admitting to God and another person (most likely your sponsor) all the times you have wronged or hurt others, including yourself. Many of us addicts and alcoholics have spent so many years lying to ourselves and others. It get so bad we often get our own truths and lies mixed up. In step 5 we learn to be honest and let that ego go.

Step 6 – “Were Entirely Ready To Have God Remove These Defects Of Character”

After admitting our past wrongs and flaws we work with our higher power and sponsor to be comfortable with ourselves. The key principle of step-6 is willingness. Being willing and open to trust and believe in a higher power and that our higher power will guide us if we are willing. Many alcoholics and addicts believe they’ve got to be perfect once they are in recovery this is not true. None of us are perfect and will never be perfect. We just have to be willing to ask for help and be honest with ourselves and others.

Steps 7-9 – External Cleaning, Repairing/Rebuilding relationships, Keeping Our Side Of The Street Clean

Step 7 – “Humbly Asked Him To Remove Our Shortcomings”

The most important word in step 7 is humbly. Being humble is a huge part of 12-step programs. No one person is better than or above anyone else. Someone with 5 days’ sobriety is just as important as someone with 25 years’ sobriety. In steps 4 and 5 we discovered our assets and our defects. Step 7 is about asking our higher power to remove our character defects. This does not mean we ask and magically we are a different person. We need to be humble to ask our higher power to remove these defects of character. After asking our higher power we need to follow up with daily action and reflection. How did I act today? How could I have treated __ better? Did I handle this situation right? 

Step 8 – “Made A List Of All Persons We Had Harmed, and Became Willing To Make Amends To Them All.”

During our drinking or drug use, we have caused pain and trauma to others. Many of us were lier’s, cheaters, thieves, and manipulators during our addictions. We have to honestly and rigorously make a list of anyone we may have harmed throughout our lives. This includes things we may think of as minor or situations that involve emotional abuse. This step can be very difficult and humbling. It forces us to go through all our terrible actions during our active drinking and drugging days. This step is about compassion/responsibility and facing down the truth of our past behaviors. It’s time for us to “grow up” and face what we have done in our past.

Step 9 – “Made Direct Amends To Such People Wherever Possible, Except When To Do So Would Injure Them or Others”

We have to mend our relationships and make amends to the people we have harmed. We can’t control if others accept our amends, but it’s our responsibility to make the amends and keep our conscience clear. That’s where the analogy of “keeping our side of the street clean” comes from. If I hurt someone in the past and I feel terrible about it, I need to make amends. If that person does not accept my amends, that’s ok. I can’t control them or their responses. But I did my part and kept my side of the street clean by making the amends.

In step 9 it says “wherever possible”. Some people I need to make amends to may have passed away. In that case, I need to find a way to make the amends. This may mean donating $20 to a charity they loved or volunteering at a place they supported. Also, step 9 says “except when to do so would injure them or others”. This may involve legal or criminal processes that can’t be involved until a later date. This could also involve a child who doesn’t fully understand addiction and recovery yet. If that was the case the amends may cause more harm than good at that time.

Steps 10-12 – Maintaining our sobriety, continuing to grow, carrying the message. 

Step 10 – “Continued To Take Personal Inventory and When We Were Wrong Promptly Admitted It”

Taking a daily or weekly inventory is a good plan. This allows us to see how we have behaved throughout the day. We can see what we did well and what needs to be worked on. Admitting when we are wrong is part of the daily process of growing. We are learning to take responsibility for our actions and be humble enough to say “I was wrong”. The principle for step 10 is perseverance. Taking a daily or weekly inventory requires discipline. We never took a day off of drinking or drugging and we have to put that same effort into our recovery.

Step 11- “Sought Through Prayer and Meditation To Improve Our Conscious Contact With God As We Understood Him, Praying Only For Knowledge of His Will For Us and The Power To Carry That Out.”

Step 11 is about growing our spirituality on a daily basis. Improve our contact with God “as we understood him”. This is my favorite part of step 11 because it opens the door for anyone and everyone to have their own interpretation of their higher power. I know people in AA who pray to God, Jesus, The Creator, Allah, the Universe, Nature, and many other things.

Many of us addicts and alcoholics were foxhole prayers during our addiction.

“God, please get me out of this mess and I won’t drink again”

This may have created a negative connotation with the word God. Others have a negative view of the word God from their youth of being taught a certain way about God. In many religions, God can be a scary punishing God. This step is about creating a new relationship with our higher power. A relationship that is healthy and has a positive outlook. 

Meditation has been described to me as a time to clear the garbage building up in my brain. I think this is so true. Meditating is not easy, very simple but not easy. The fact that most of us humans can’t sit quietly with our own thoughts for 10 minutes is scary. When I meditate I don’t get mad when outside thoughts come in. I listen to them then gently let them go and bring myself back to my center.

Step 12 – “Having Had a Spiritual Awakening As The Result of These Steps, We Tried to Carry This Message to Alcoholics, and To Practice These Principles In All Our Affairs”

Spiritual Awakening

Society would have us think in order to have a spiritual awakening we need to have a divine moment where the light shines down and we have a vision of God himself. This can happen for some but it is not required. More likely than not a spiritual awakening is going to be a gradual process. A process of opening up and becoming more spiritual. 

Carrying The Message

The principle of step 12 is service. One of the main pillars that hold 12 step programs together is whenpeople with long-term sobriety take others through the steps. I always assumed that the sponsee was the only one benefiting in this situation…wrong!! In most cases, the sponsor is getting as much if not more than the sponsee. The disease of addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful and will find ways to sneak back into our brains. By continuing to work with others, sponsors keep their disease fresh in their brains. This allows them to remember what can happen if they aren’t diligent.

Practicing These Principles In All Our Affairs

Getting and staying sober is not just about putting the drink or drug down. It’s about living a new life and being a different person. Most of us (I definitely was) were liers, con artists, unreliable, manipulators during our active addiction. Part of living a true life of sobriety is following the principles of this program in our daily affairs. I need to be honest with others and myself, be kind and help others in need. 

How Long Does It Take To Go Through The Steps?

There is no defined timeline for working the 12-steps. It varies depending on each individual person and their sponsor. Some sponsors do a step a week others a step a month. Most people will be at a very confusing, anxiety-ridden point in their lives when they first get sober. This is normal. This may mean it will take a little longer to complete the steps.

Here are some factors that will determine how long the steps will take:

• How often you and your sponsor can meet
• If you have experienced any relapses or setbacks
• How often you attend meetings
• How your progress is going
• The way your sponsor was taught the program 
• How long you drank or drugged for, may affect the number of issues you need to work through

Those are just some factors that can affect how long it may take you. The first time I did the steps I was not honest with myself or my sponsor. I was still getting high while we were going through them. This added multiple setbacks. I ended up starting over completely because I realized I was lying to myself the whole time.

Don’t view the steps as homework or a work project with a deadline. I did this and it created a tremendous amount of anxiety and an underlying rushed feeling. The 12- steps are designed to help you find hope, happiness, and healing. Just like therapy, there isn’t a timeline for healing it will range for each case. We didn’t put a timeline on our addiction. “I’m gonna use heroin for 5 months and alcohol for 2 years then I’ll stop and be done” and we can’t expect a timeline for recovery.

Sources:

1. https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/twelve-steps-of-alcoholics-anonymous
2. https://www.alcohol.org/alcoholics-anonymous