What Does It Mean To Hit Rock Bottom

JK Rowling said it best, ” Rock Bottom Became The Solid Foundation On Which I Rebuilt My Life”. Anyone who is in the grips of addiction almost always needs to hit their rock bottom before they change. The word “their’ is the most important word of the previous sentence. Rock bottom is different for every individual. Our brains are wired to seek the path of least resistance, our brain tries to avoid pain. When our backs are against the wall we fight like never before.

What Does It Mean to Hit Rock Bottom?

Typically “rock bottom” is a term used to describe the lowest point of an addict or alcoholics active substance use. Rock bottom is different for every individual. This bottom is typically the point when an addict/alcoholic’s losses reach their lowest tolerable threshold. The consequences and hopelessness they have experienced have amounted to the maximum amount of pain they can handle at that point. This point when an addict/alcoholic is completely hopeless and feels they can not go any lower is typically when they seek help. The pain and turmoil associated with Rock Bottom is usually the catalyst for change. The desire to never reach this “bottom” again is what propels them to seek help.

Your bottom is going to be different from others. There may be similarities in the consequences or feelings but the actual point is going to be unique to you. Rock bottom does not always have to be a physical consequence or place, like jail, many times it’s the feeling of being sick and tired of the daily stress and chaos that comes with a drug addicts life. My bottom was a phone call I made from jail to my parents. It wasn’t jail that was my bottom, it was what my parents said during that call that was my bottom.

There are numerous different types of Rock Bottoms one can hit:

Physical bottom
Mental Bottom
Emotional Bottom
Spiritual Bottom
Financial Bottom
Relationship Bottom
Family Bottom

Some may argue that a person does not need to hit “bottom” in order to seek help but I disagree. I have met and talked with thousands of addict’s, been to 5 rehabs ( 3 as a patient, 2 as an outside volunteer), been to 9 different prisons in NY state, and attended hundreds of AA/NA/Al-Anon meetings, and I’ve yet to meet someone that did not hit their “Rock Bottom” before they sought out recovery. I sure know I had to hit rock bottom before I realized what was happening to my life, and decided to try something different.

How Low Is Rock Bottom?

There is no set standard for what Rock Bottom is. Each addict is different. Some can tolerate physical pain but may hit an emotional bottom, while others may be affected mostly by a financial bottom or family type bottom. It will also be affected by your desire to change. Most addicts I have met, don’t want to be drug addicts, but they don’t know any other way. They have taught their brain to want drugs no matter what. Good day, get high. Bad day, get high.

My tolerance for pain and discomfort in my early days of getting high was a lot lower, but I always had someone to jump in and save me from hitting my bottom. During my early using days, many of my family enabled me because they did not understand addiction and we all thought it was just a partying faze that I would outgrow.

“Who Am I To Stand In The Way Of Someone Hitting Rock Bottom. If I Tried To Rescue Them Everytime They Were Going To Fall On Their Face They Would Never Learn. I Would Be Doing Them A Disservice.”

-LMK

(Sobriety Coach, Outreach Worker- Sober 10 Years)

More often than not a person’s Rock Bottom is going to be a mixture of the “bottoms” listed above and maybe some other “bottoms” not listed. When I hit my Rock Bottom it was a mixture of emotional, mental, financial, and family turmoil. I had finally reached a point where I understood the direction I was heading would lead to the same results I had been getting. I needed to try something different. At that point, I was truly able to say “I can’t go on like this, the amount of pain and stress is the maximum I can take right now”.

High Bottom Alcoholics/Addicts

Rock bottom for one person may be losing a job, for someone else rock bottom might be 15 yrs in prison, and for another person, it may be a point when they finally realize they don’t like the direction their life is heading. Someone who’s Rock bottom involves minimal consequences is referred to as a“ High Bottom Alcoholic/Addict“.

High-bottom alcoholics and addicts typically seek help early on in their drinking/using. They may not have suffered the consequences that are associated with the stereotypical addict. This person’s bottom may have been a point when they mentally could not bear the thought of going deeper into their addiction. Some alcoholics sought treatment after their kids caught them drinking before dinner one day, while another had to get 5 DUI’s before he/she sought help.

New Schools of Thought On Hitting Bottom

There are some new lines of thinking today that believe addicts do not need to hit rock bottom. The opioid epidemic is ravaging our country, so I’m all for any and every way this problem can be helped. With that being said I have yet to see a case of someone who is in recovery that didn’t hit rock bottom.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that an addict be subjected to extra pain or discomfort in an effort to try and force them to hit their bottom. I am also not suggesting that treatment is pointless before someone hits their bottom. I think treatment, therapy, counseling, and 12-step programs can be an effective way to plant the seed of sobriety in someone’s brain at any point during addiction. You never know what information they may hear that sticks with them. You also never know what great people they may meet at treatment or a 12-step meeting.

Enabling and Pampering Never Work

I believe this new thought process that addicts do not need to hit bottom is actually part of the problem. One of the reasons the opioid epidemic hit our country so hard is because so many helicopter/bulldozer parents pampered their kids to the extreme. These children never had to deal with any adversity during their upbringing because Mom and Dad swopped in to fix any and every problem they faced. When they go out on their own and run into a stressful situation they don’t know how to deal with, they can’t cope. Mom and Dad are not there to clean up their mess, this causes excess stress and anxiety which leads to experimenting with more drugs.

This is the same thought process that says addicts/alcoholics do not need to hit “Rock Bottom”. The psychologist and counselors who don’t believe in Rock Bottom are trying to save addicts from experiencing pain and facing their true demons. This does not help! All This Does Is Keep The Addict On Shaky Ground!!

Pain and Tears Are Not Always Bad

Many parents and drug counselors are trying to water down and soften up the recovery process. They are scared that the addict’s feelings might get hurt. In reality, if the addict does not get their feelings hurt and shed some tears during their recovery then they most likely will not stay sober. As soon as some major issue comes up and they get stressed, they are going to resort right back to what they know best, Getting High. If you don’t get to the root of why someone is using it in the first place the issue is never going to be resolved.

Pain is not always bad. In Most cases pain makes us grow. (I don’t condone or promote pain simply for life lessons. I’m referring more to stress and adversity that teach us to deal with issues in a healthy way.) Adversity shows us who we really are and makes us stronger. When a parent or doctor tries to pamper and enable an addict and avoid facing the real issues this not only doesn’t help their recovery, it actually prolongs their drug use. To learn more about the difference between helping and enabling check out this article: The Difference Between Helping and Enabling.

Feel The Feeling

This aspect can be applied to any person, not just addicts. We see time and time again of very successful people who have gone through rough patches, only to come out stronger. Think about your immune system, when it is infected with a virus, it fights back and builds up antibodies, when the infection is gone, your immune system is stronger and more prepared for the next attack.

During my addiction, I was trying to mask my feelings. I was trying to escape reality all day every day. When I had to actually face those feelings, I started to get a better picture of why I was using drugs in the first place. If someone was always there to prevent me from feeling, I would have never known why I had those deep-rooted issues.

The problem with using drugs to escape my negative feelings is that I also masked my good feelings. The only pleasure I knew was chemically induced, I forgot what things in life gave me purpose and made me happy. Today I can feel the natural high of working out. I can feel the love and passion I have for spending time with my dogs.

There Is No Magic Rainbow

If and when an addict hits their bottom it does not mean that instantly they are going to stop getting high and seek help. Many times the person will not seek treatment for weeks or months after their bottom. The important part is that the hopelessness and despairs of that low point were real. That sickening feeling happened, and the seed was planted in the addict’s head that they need to try a different way.

Relapse Happens

Even when someone hits their bottom and seeks treatment it doesn’t mean they are never going to get high or drink again. After an addict hits bottom and decides to ask for help, they will need to be diligent and put in work every day to stay sober. Rebuilding your life after years of addiction is not an easy task. Mental, emotionally, and physical damage take time and effort to repair.

If a person hits their bottom and then sought help and stayed sober for 2 years but has since relapsed, that does not mean they didn’t hit their bottom. It probably means they have become somewhat complacent and allowed bad habits and thoughts to creep back in. Beating addiction on a daily basis requires work every single day. It requires humbling yourself and listening to others. Also, it requires digging deep to confront your traumas and problems that caused you to use drugs in the first place.

It is very important to never forget that feeling of “Rock Bottom”. In moments when I get weak or complacent and want to use heroin, I remember that sickness in my gut that I felt during the phone call with my parents.

My Rock Bottom

Addiction brought me to lows I thought I would never experience. My Rock Bottom did not come from multiple rehabs or even from going to prison for 3 1/2 years. My bottom came when I got violated on parole and was going to Willard. Willard is a military-style boot camp for parole violators in NY. Getting screamed at by drill sergeants and humiliated on a daily basis was not what caused me to hit my bottom. In fact, I kinda enjoyed Willard. I liked the discipline and structure. My bottom came when after years of drug use and the revolving door of rehabs and prisons, my outside support, my parents, finally had enough.

Throughout my entire time using, I always had my parents to fall back on. I slowly pushed them further and further to their limits. I knew that they did not understand addiction and I played off of this fact. They would lay down the law, and cut me off, or take the car away, or kick me out of the house, but they would always let me back in after a few days or a week (enabling). I knew this and exploited it.

The Worst Phone Call Ever

When I got violated on parole and was in the county jail waiting to go to Willard I had a phone call with my parents. That phone call was my Rock Bottom. I had talked to my parents on the phone from prison hundreds of times, but this phone call was different. Their tone was different. My mother told me flat out “We are planning on you not being here”. I thought she meant I could not live with them, but she meant something totally different. She meant they were mentally planning for my death. They knew If I continued to do what I was doing it was only a matter of time until I overdosed and died. I was using $300- $500 of heroin and cocaine on a daily basis.

I have one older brother and his wedding was scheduled for September 2017. This was March 2017 and my mom said on that phone call “We are planning on you not being at the wedding, your brother is not going to have a best man”. I was mentally and emotionally knocked unconscious.

I was speechless… No more “I’m sorry it won’t happen again”…No More “please don’t do this”. My parents had enough and I knew they meant every word they were saying. I’ve never heard my mom talk like this. Deep down I knew she was right but I had never heard the words spoken. Everyone including myself had been avoiding the truth for years, this one phone call put all the cards on the table.

Hindsight

This phone call was my rock bottom. It was a culmination of 3 rehabs, prison, years of drug use, and suicide attempts. Everything built up and the words that my parents were saying couldn’t be any more clear…YOUR GOING TO DIE AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO HELP YOU SLOWLY KILL YOURSELF ANYMORE!!! AS LONG AS YOU KEEPING USING DRUGS YOUR ON YOUR OWN!!!

As much as I was pissed at the time, as soon as I was able to clear my head and understand the truth I realized how happy I was for this phone call. I am so happy and blessed they said everything they did during that call. I knew they meant every word and the hard terrible truth knocked me on my ass. All the bottled up feelings and emotions I had avoided for years spilled out. I cried my eyes out in my cell after that phone call. I was able to feel that terrible feeling of loneliness, this feeling made me want to change.