While making my decision I began drinking on occasion. Very rarely, but it happened. I blacked out once and just decided drinking wasn’t really for me. I chose to go to the University of Maryland Baltimore County and after I signed that letter I decided to give drinking another try. I ended up drinking heavily in my last month of high school. Blacking out a lot and participating in a lot of late nights.
I went off to college and drank more than I ever have, earning the nickname “blackout” and also earning academic probation with a GPA of .08. I honestly didn’t 
In 2008 I transferred to a school in Syracuse, NY and played lacrosse there, as well as continued studying hard. Not really drinking or partying any more. In 2009 we won a National Championship and I went to my first party of the year. Again, didn’t drink but found myself missing that life. My foot injury had been bothering me. I was given pain meds and also offered them by a friend and that’s when I fell quickly into a dark hole of Drugs and Alcohol.
I drastically went from 180 pounds to 240 pounds, from partying maybe once a semester, to every night, going days without eating and then binging for 5 days straight. Magically I graduated with an associates degree and found myself transferring to Rutgers University. I was heavily addicted to pain killers and would use them all day every day with my younger brother. He and I would try to sell them just so we could use more. Didn’t really work for me because all I wanted to do was use them.
I had an incident one day leading me to go to the hospital. I tried legal marijuana mixed with the pills and I started losing my mind. That day I told my parents I had been doing pills. They didn’t know what to say but they thought it would pass because I never had a problem with anything before. I also was drinking more and lying to my current girlfriend who knew nothing of this drug and alcohol abuse. I ended up getting a DUI and eventually leading me to lose my license for 3 years.
I tried to get clean before college at Rutgers, but that only lasted a week and then I found a dealer off-campus. I would use all night, hit morning workouts and puke everywhere then skip class and get high. I would steal from my drug dealer because he would get so messed up and I could get away with it. One day I got home from practice and went straight to my dealer’s house, to find him bent over the toilet, blood everywhere and his wrist cut. I quickly got him and ran him to the campus hospital a few streets behind his house.
About 2 months had passed and I found myself in a jail cell. I woke up to my coaches face filled 
I tried crack, I slept under the Brooklyn bridge a few times because I couldn’t find my way back to my house. I drove illegally with mass amounts of drugs on me. I had a friend fly to Florida to get drugs and then bring them back, we would drive the drugs to Rochester that night, sell them and make the drive back all in one day. Life was out of hand.
When I got home, I was forced to go to an outpatient treatment facility where I would get high in the bathroom and then get sober for a few days then high again. A vicious cycle, my girlfriend at the time figured it out and dumped me the next day. I stole, robbed, and cheated almost every single day of my life at this point. Any way I could get my drugs I would. My roommate from my old college in Syracuse reached out to me and I sold him a few pills and one day he was calling me for some reason and I chose not to answer the phone because I was withdrawing and wanted to fight it off. He shot himself with a Bee-bee gun and actually ended up passing away 2 weeks later.
This went on for a few years, 5 different treatment facilities, an upgrade from alcohol and pills to pills and cocaine. After my 3rd treatment facility, I found 
I ended up going to another treatment center where the day I got out I bought more cocaine and heroin that I ever had done, I did half of it. I was a mess. I ended up waking up one morning and feeling really ashamed and found a website for drug addicts saying the best way to get sober is to move to Florida. I called a place and they got me in. The only advice I was given was to NOT get high before coming. So without question, I got high. I walked 11 miles actually in the middle of the summer, weighing 255 pounds, in grey sweat pants, a long-sleeve black thermal and a fitted cap and bought again more drugs than I ever had. I overdosed that day and woke up in the hospital with tubes in me and without anyone ever knowing, I left.
After two overdoses, I relocated to a treatment center down in West Palm Beach, FL on September 11, 2012. I was ready, done fighting, emotionally drained and finally felt like this was my time. After 3 months of being sober, I fell in with the wrong crowd and tried this Kava drink. I drank 10 of them. If you’re not familiar with this drink it makes you feel high. I threw up that day on the side of a bridge and was like why am I doing this again, honestly heroin is better. That night I was ready to relapse on heroin again but went to sleep instead and woke up the next day ready to work but found out we all got caught drinking that stuff. I was the only one that admitted to it and went back to treatment. There were 7 of us, 2 of us are sober today. The rest either died or are in jail. I never looked back from that moment. A lot happened to me throughout my time in treatment. My mother was diagnosed with cancer, didn’t get high. I stayed in the house 9 months total, with 87 different roommates who went back out to get high, die, or thrown in jail/prison.
I got a job coaching lacrosse and started to workout again, had some clean time under my belt, and was becoming much happier. I shuffled through jobs almost every few weeks while maintaining a coaching job. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do. After 6 months of having constant ups and downs, I realized the last remaining thing I truly needed to overcome was this major weight gain. So, I got connected with a CrossFit gym and just did everything in my power to lose weight. I 
To say it’s been an easy road is a huge understatement. I have had my ups and downs in sobriety. Right around the time I was coming up on my second year sober, my family came to visit me for my birthday and took me on a cruise over the weekend. The second we stepped foot on the boat, my urge to drink overtook my body. That was all I could think about. Everyone around me was drunk, using drugs, and just having the time of their lives. I tried to avoid my family in my room, and in the shower, I made up my mind to drink. Everything I have worked so hard for was about to be thrown to the wayside.
I went to meet my brother down by a bar where my family was sitting outside, and when I was getting close to making my purchase, he grabbed me and brought me outside to my dad. My dad hugged me around the shoulders and told me how proud he was of me. That out of all these people around us, I was the sober one, and I am doing things that no one else could on this ship. Right then and there, I was overwhelmed with emotions, shock, pride and about 100 other feelings that I just cannot describe. Needless to say, I did NOT drink. Times like this have happened since then, but very few and much less dramatic.
Fast forward a little while, coming up on 7 years of sobriety, I have met the girl of my dreams, who is now my wife. We moved to Georgia to start our life together with our two beautiful dogs, Niya and Arlo. Each and every day I get to wake up next to them and take in the fresh air and make choices with freedom today. I never forget the times of not wanting to go to bed, because I didn’t want to wake up and have to get high by any means necessary. I’ll never forget the sickness and the hatred I felt for myself. This is what made me who I am today, and for that, I’m genuinely grateful for all that I’ve been through.
