During active addiction, an addict that’s not ready to change will find any reason possible to keep using drugs and alcohol. Many of the excuses they use will sound valid, while others will be outlandish and ridiculous, “coke is the only thing that relieves my anxiety”. The addict’s goal is to get people off their back by justifying their addiction. Family and friends will often go along with these justifications and excuses. This is because they’re too close to the person to take an objective look at the situation. When a family member goes along with the addict’s excuses, this is enabling.
The biggest fear of an addict in the grips of addiction is life without drugs or alcohol. It’s the fear of the unknown, fear of change. They’ve used drugs and alcohol to cope with every issue in life and they can’t possibly imagine life without it. Good days, bad days, every day, addicts need to use. The person is physically and mentally dependent on these substances. Their brain is signaling to them “You Need This Chemical To Function and Survive”. They’ll use any excuse they think will work.
21 Most Common Excuses Addicts And Alcoholics Use
- I Can Stop Anytime I Want
- If You Dealt With What I’m Dealing With You Would Get High Too
- The F**k It’s – I’ve Already Done ____, F**k It
- I’m Too Scared and Ashamed To Get Help
- I’ll Use Less From Now On
- I’ve Already Done So Much Damage, What’s The Difference
- I Can’t Be Helped
- This Is How I’ve Always Been and How I’ll Always Be
- It’s My Life I Can Do What I Want
- The Not Yets – I Haven’t Got In Any Trouble…Yet
- It’s The Only Thing That Helps My Depression
- I Need It Or I’ll Go Into Withdrawal
- I Have Nothing To Live For What’s The Difference
- Everyone Does It, It’s No Big Deal
- I Don’t Want People To Find Out I Have A Problem
- I’ve Tried Treatment, It Doesn’t Work
- I Can’t Afford To Take Time Off Work For Rehab
- I’ll Get Help When _____, But Not Right Now
- Everything Is So Boring When I’m Sober
- I Need It To Be Social
- I’m Not As Bad As…
During my addiction, I used every excuse possible to avoid any rehab or treatment. When I look back now with a clear sober mind I can see how manipulative and conniving these excuses were. Even the times I was telling the truth, my main goal was to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible and go get high.
1. I Can Stop Anytime I Want
I can’t tell you how many times I told myself that I could stop whenever I wanted. Or the thousands of times I told myself “Ok tonight’s the last night”. The sad part is we believe it when we say that. When an addict or alcoholic says “Tomorrow I’m not gonna drink or use drugs”, most of the time they honestly and truly believe it. The next morning comes and we can have all the willpower in the world, it won’t stop us from using again. When we are under the influence it’s easy to say tomorrow I’m getting sober, but when the morning comes and we are starting to feel like crap, our willpower begins to fade.
2. If You Dealt With What I’m Dealing With You Would Drink/Drug Too
Every human on this planet has struggles and we all have different struggles, some worse than others. The fact is, this is simply an excuse that we tell ourselves.
When someone says “If you went through what I went thought you would drink too”. They think they’re saying that to try and convince you that their drinking is ok. But the truth is they’re saying that to try and convince themselves it’s ok.
Most addicts and alcoholics know that they’re destroying their lives, and the human brain doesn’t like uncomfortably. We say these things to try and convince ourselves that it’s ok to keep getting high because we went through trauma in our past. Drinking and drugging will never make any problems or trauma better it will only make it worse. A positive lifestyle and therapy will do way more to help cope with our trauma than drinking and drugging.
3. The F**k It’s – I’ve Already Done ____, F**k It, I Might As Well Do That Too
The “F**k It’s” are extremely dangerous. I have gotten the fuck it’s multiple times and seen the damage it can cause. The F**k it’s are like dominos. Once we knock the first one down the process is hard to stop. A few things go wrong in our lives and we act like the whole world is coming to an end. “I got fired today so f**k it, getting high tonight won’t matter”.
If your an addict or alcoholic like me there is no such thing as a night out drinking. One night of drinking for me ends with an 8 ball of cocaine in my pocket and probably an arrest. Also if I do manage to survive the first night without problems I will be back at it the next day.
4. I’m Too Scared and Ashamed To Get Help
This is a valid and legitimate excuse. The person is genuinely feeling ashamed and scared about getting help. Of all the excuses on the list, this is one of a few where the addict is telling the truth, but it doesn’t excuse more drug or alcohol use. This goes back to fear of change and fear of the unknown. This is tricky because the person might be telling the truth, they’re also trying to keep that door open for future drug and alcohol use. If they know the person they’re talking to will buy this excuse they will use it over and over.
If a person says they’re scared to go to rehab, ask them how much scarier it would be if they waited 3 years and did 3 more years of damage in the meantime. The shame and guilt at that point would be substantially worse.
5. I’ll Use Less From Now On
“From now on I’ll limit myself to 5 beers when we go out”. Every addict and alcoholic has used this excuse. Once these substances get into our system, they change our thinking. Any and every plan we may have had about controlling our drinking for the night goes out the window. It’s almost impossible for an alcoholic or addict to cut down on their drinking or drug use and have it under control.
The idea that tomorrow I will magically be able to control my drinking and drug use is a completely delusional statement. I said this to myself and others for years, not once did it ever work.
6. I’ve Already Done So Much Damage, What’s The Difference Now
Playing the victim is always a recipe for failure. Everybody has struggled in life. If I assume I’m a victim then that’s how things will play out for me.
The fact of the matter is many alcoholics and addicts have done a ton of damage to themselves and others around them. But using this as an excuse to keep drinking/drugging is only going to exacerbate the problem. Living in the victim mentality is very dangerous for addicts and alcoholics. For more info on addicts playing the victim check out this article: Why Do Addicts and Alcoholics Always Play The Victim?
7. I Can’t Be Helped
When someone says they can’t be helped, what they’re really saying is “I’m alone and no one understands what I’m going through”. I’ve had the ability to attend thousands of 12-step meetings as well as volunteer at multiple rehabs. There is always someone who has been through something similar that understands what we’re feeling.
People who have used heroin for 40 years have gotten sober. Men and women who have come home from combat with major physical and mental injuries have gotten sober. People who grew in up war-torn countries with death and rape all around them have gotten sober. Anyone willing and ready for help can be helped! No one is hopeless!
8. This Is How I’ve Always Been and How I’ll Always Be
Recovery is not only about putting down drugs and alcohol, it’s about changing our thinking and behaviors. If I keep telling myself “I’m sure I’ll relapse, I always screw it up and relapse”, That’s what’s gonna happen.
If a person has this attitude it’s almost guaranteed they’ll fail. They’re letting themselves down slowly, already planning to fail. The person might say that out loud to others but what they’re really doing is convincing themselves they don’t need to change.
9. It’s My Life I Can Do What I Want
This one plays into the victim mentality. When I got sober and starting to rebuild some of the relationships that I’d damaged during my addiction I got a look into what was really going on during my drug use. I never stopped to look at all the ways my family and friends were affected by my addiction.
How many times did my friends and family have to come and get searched to see me behind a glass window in prison?
How many hundreds/thousands of nights did my parents lose sleep worrying about me?
Countless nights my grandma sat crying because she knew I was sleeping in my car using dope.
It’s a nice thought to think that we’re only hurting ourselves but it’s not true. We are hurting anyone and everyone in our lives. Even society in general. When I’m in active addiction I’m lying, cheating, stealing, robbing, and conning. When I’m doing this I’m making society and my community a more dangerous place.
10. The Not Yets – I haven’t Got In Any Trouble…Yet
The “Not yets” are usually the most commonly used excuses on this list. This is especially true during the beginning of a person’s addiction.
The “not yets” are those things we say we’ll never do but then slowly the line gets pushed further and further. The main problem with the “not yets” is they’re progressive just like addiction. It’s a process that plays out over years sometimes decades and we don’t realize what’s happening until it’s way worse than we ever imagined.
My “not yets” started when I was 14 and I was smoking some pot. I said “I will never use any hard drugs and never smoke cigarettes” A few years later I was doing cocaine, driving drunk, and smoking cigarettes. This process continued to progress and I kept doing the things I said I’ll never do.
11. It’s The Only Thing That Helps My Depression
The truth is drugs and alcohol don’t help our depression or anxiety, they make it worse. The drugs would make me feel good for an hour, maybe two if I was lucky. Then the depression would be back and get worse after each consecutive drug use.
I used this excuse all the time. Drugs and alcohol were the only things that made me feel better, or at least that’s what I told myself and everyone else. Everyone who’s in active addiction is going to experience some level of depression and anxiety. We are damaging our bodies and brains with these poisons daily.
“Trying to fix depression with drugs and alcohol is like banging your head against the wall to fix a headache”
12. I Need It Or I’ll Go Into Withdrawal
This is true. If the addict doesn’t get their drink or drugs they may go into an awful withdrawal. That doesn’t mean they get a free pass to keep using. At some point, they have to face withdrawal. The longer a person uses drugs or alcohol the worse the withdrawals will be. The vast majority of treatment centers provide medications to help get rid of the withdrawal and detox symptoms. It’s always better to detox under medical supervision.
13. I Have Nothing To Live For What’s The Difference
When someone in active addiction says this, they’re experiencing the mental crash of the addiction lifestyle. They may have been involved in that lifestyle for so long they can’t see anything except the miserable cycle of addiction.
The reality is, no matter how bad I thought my life was, there was always something to live for. After a big drug binge, when the drugs were starting to leave my system I would always have a mental crash. These feelings of hopelessness occur during these crash periods. It’s common but typically it goes away when we start to sober up and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
14. Everyone Does It, It’s No Big Deal
“If everyone jumped off the bay bridge would you do it too?” How many times did our parents say that? It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. Many of us learn this excuse as kids. We believe if others did the same thing we did the blame will be spread around and we won’t have to take the full brunt.
I hung around others who used drugs and alcohol excessively. I unconsciously did this so I wouldn’t feel guilty about how much I was drinking. The problem is many of these people are also addicts and alcoholics. Trying to compare myself to others and say “Everyone does it” is a disaster for any addict or alcoholic.
15. I Don’t Want People To Find Out I Have A Problem So I Can’t Go To Rehab
This excuse is based on the fear of public shame. We want to keep our outward appearances, save face. Worrying about what others will think is normal for anyone in this situation, but we have to put that aside to get the help we need. If not the problem will most likely get substantially worse. The longer a person keeps drinking and drugging, the worse everyone else’s opinion of them will be.
Making the choice to change and enter recovery is not easy. One major thing I’ve learned in recovery is to block out others’ opinions and focus on getting and staying sober. Trying to please everyone is an impossible task. It almost always ends in a relapse.
16. I’ve Tried Treatment, It Doesn’t Work
We are all different and have different recovery programs, but there are also many similarities. It’s rare for someone to get sober the first time they attend rehab. That doesn’t mean the rehab failed, it usually means the person was not ready to get sober. There are dozens of different recovery programs. If we don’t fit in well at one type of program there are dozens more out there!
17. I Can’t Afford To Take Time Off Work For Rehab
When someone says this it may be a reasonable excuse. The issue is if we don’t deal with the problem now it’s only going to get worse in the future. When someone says this, ask them if they would rather voluntarily go to rehab now or be forced to go when they get fired in a year? Most of the financial problems addicts and alcoholics are dealing with have been caused by their addiction. We like to pretend that we have our drinking and drug use under control but that is a delusion we tell ourselves.
18. I’ll Get Help When _____, But Not Right Now
I’ll get help when the holidays are over…I’ll go to treatment when the kids start school… We can procrastinate and put off help but the timing is never going to get better. It’s comforting to believe that when ___ happens it will be the right time to go to rehab. In reality, life doesn’t stop and there will never be a perfect time. The best time to face addiction is right now.
19. Everything Is So Boring When I’m Sober
During my addiction, I spent most days sitting in my car getting high alone. This was my warped idea of fun. I was so worried for years about quitting drinking and drugging. My basic thought was that my life would be over once I got sober. I could not have been more wrong. My life is much better and more fun without drugs and alcohol. After being sober for some time I have a completely new perspective on what fun really is. I enjoy life and have more fun in sobriety than I ever did during active addiction. Is Being Sober Fun and Worth It?
20. I Need Alcohol To Be Social
Social anxiety is a real thing that I believe almost everyone has to some extent. Alcohol does loosen people up but not the way we alcoholics drink. We like to tell ourselves we need alcohol to be social, but in reality that is just another excuse we tell ourselves to keep drinking. I always thought alcohol helped me loosen up and be more social. When I got sober I found out that alcohol made me belligerent and act like an idiot at most social events. Here’s a great article on being sober at social events: How To Be The Non-Drinker At A Party.
21. I’m Not As Bad As…
Comparing my drinking and drug use to others was always a recipe for disaster. I would say this to my family to justify my drinking and drug use. Before long I noticed others began comparing themselves to me. “I’m not as bad as Kyle”
The longer we continue to drink and drug the more consequences and problems we will have. Addiction is progressive and will always get worse. Before we know it we’re the person being used as an example of what not to be.
What To Do When You Hear These Excuses
If and when someone you know uses these excuses to keep drinking and using drugs make sure you don’t just let them slide. Call them on their BS, not in a mean or confronting way, but just be honest and truthful. Many times we addicts don’t even recognize the garbage coming out of our mouths until someone stops and calls us on it.
At the same time don’t become the bad guy. It is imperative to let them know you aren’t buying into their excuses but also keeping the relationship on a good level. Master Addiction Counselor Amber Hollingsworth speaks about keeping a good relationship even during the struggles of having an addicted loved one. See if the person is open to going to some type of treatment or 12-step meetings. If they are that’s a great first step. Please seek professional medical help when someone is going into detox or withdrawals.
