Most of us addicts aren’t just addicted to a substance, we have addictive personalities and we tend to take things to the extreme, including negative behaviors. Many people in recovery from drugs or alcohol get addicted to sex, relationships, food, exercise, and other things because we take everything to the next level.
This is true with negativity. Many addicts get addicted to the rush of addiction and the negativity of others. It’s sad but we are actually more comfortable with chaos and negativity because that’s all we knew during addiction. “Misery loves company”.
That quote is so accurate. I see cliques of people both in and out of sobriety that stick with similar-minded people. The people who always gossip and complain stick with others who do the same. It was essential to my recovery program to cut out the negative aspects of my life. This list is 19 simple and realistic ways to get rid of the negative thoughts and energy in your life.
Here are 19 Simple Ways To Cut Negativity Out Of Your Life:
- Change your negative thinking (it all starts with you)
- Cut out negative friends and family
- Engage in fun positive hobbies
- Find a job/career you’re passionate about
- Avoid watching the news/politics as much as possible
- Get on an exercise regimen
- Build a connection with your higher power
- Don’t settle for anything in your relationships
- Stop worrying about other peoples opinions
- Meditate, practice mindfulness
- Join a yoga class, Tai Chi, or other calming activities
- Don’t play the victim card
- Learn to love yourself
- Limit your time in front of technology
- Practice self-affirmations
- Be the bigger person (don’t seek revenge or hold grudges)
- Stand up for yourself
- Volunteer
- Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude
I believe cutting out negative parts of my life was one of the simplest, yet hardest things to do. I get addicted to outrage and anger just like a drug. After breaking the cycle of negativity my life has gotten so much better. I still have negative parts I’m working to get rid of, but many of the big issues that would mentally and physically drain me are gone.
Cutting the negativity out of your life is simple because you know exactly what parts of your life are negative and draining on your energy. But it’s not easy! I knew I had to cut out news and politics, a simple idea right? Very simple but not very easy. I had built news and politics into my routine and breaking that habit was not an overnight success. We usually know which areas of our life need to be changed, that’s the easy part. The hard part is the action and actually cutting out the negative on a daily basis.
1. Change Your Negative Thinking (It All Starts With You)
The best way to start cutting negativity out of your life is to start with your own negative thinking. Many people psych themselves out before they even walk out the door. “I’m not good enough for this job”. “He/She won’t like me”. “I’ll always be a screw up”. “Who am I kidding I’ll never be able to work out like him/her”.
We need to change from the inside out! When I started changing my own negative thoughts I noticed that I began to see the world from a different point of view. This allowed me to see what areas of my life were negative and really dragging me down. Whenever the “I’m not good enough” thought popped into my head I didn’t get mad, I acknowledged it and changed it right away to “I can do whatever I set my mind to”!
2. Cut Out Negative Friends and Family
This one is definitely the hardest on the list. Telling someone you love that you don’t want to hang out with them anymore is extremely hard. No one wants to tell their friend of 20 years or their sister that they are a negative burden, but it’s necessary for a happy solid recovery. Be respectful and upfront with family or friends you know aren’t good for you. Tell them that you’re really dedicated to your sobriety and you won’t be around as much. Explain to them that this is a life or death matter for you. Tell them you need to focus on rebuilding your life.
A very simple way to cut negative friends or family is to truly change yourself. If you have a family member that is always negative, make sure you’re super positive around them. They will either become more positive themselves or not want to be around you. “Misery loves company” don’t be the company for someone’s negativity. If you need more info on building a positive support group in recovery check out this article: Why Having A Support Network Is Crucial For Recovery.
Please don’t try to change other people. If you think you can change someone so they can stay in your life 99.9% of the time it doesn’t work. I’ve made this mistake multiple times and it has always ended with resentment and arguments. We cannot change anyone but ourselves!!!
3. Engage In Fun Positive Hobbies
When we get sober we have to change our hobbies and activities. If you’re like me, then your life during your drinking and drugging days consisted of isolating and sitting on bar stools. Now that I’m sober, I try new activities all the time. Get back to finding your passion. Maybe it’s painting, hiking, coaching your kid’s softball team, it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s a positive hobby that betters your life.
Get out of your comfort zone and try new things. During sobriety, I have tried yoga, body pump, zip lining, paddle boarding, dog training, computer coding, and many others. I was terrible at computer coding and hated it, but I would never have known that if I didn’t try. On the flip side, I love paddle boarding and yoga, they are 2 of my favorite activities now.
4. Find A Job/Career Your Passionate About
Finding a job you’re passionate about that also pays the bills, is not an easy task. Many of us in recovery have sketchy backgrounds so just finding good employment can be hard. That doesn’t mean you should settle for something you hate, but we need to also have patience.
Don’t be afraid to work somewhere you enjoy for less pay. In the long run, it actually ends up being well worth it not only for your personal well-being but your bank account. When you enjoy your job, you will have a better attitude, more energy, and you’ll be more motivated. Even if you make less than somewhere else you will have more energy to go home and work on your own business or more motivation to work towards a promotion.
I enjoy my job, I work at a restaurant as a cook during the day. But I had to make some sacrifices for my own well-being. I was offered more hours and higher pay to work the dinner/night shift 3 pm – 11 pm, I turned it down. The evening shift screwed up my daily routine but more importantly caused me to come home at 11 each night wired and wide awake. When I am wired and wide awake I want to use drugs to come down. Anything I put ahead of my sobriety I will lose. I had to make a sacrifice to keep my health in check even though it hurt my bank account in the short term.
5. Avoid Watching The News and Politics As Much As Possible
The news and politics focus on negative stories for a reason, it’s effective and draws more viewers. It makes sense we like to hear about the big disaster that is sudden and intense instead of the gradual positive news. It only takes minutes for a disaster to destroy a town yet it takes years to rebuild. Politics, specifically, has become a team sport. It’s one side vs. the other and everyone on the other side is wrong, evil, and the enemy. That is what the news tells us. That is so divisive and wrong. If someone has completely opposite political views than mine that’s fine. This country was founded on people with opposite views living next to each other and working together.
I’m very guilty of indulging in this one. From the age of 13-28, every morning of my life started with the news and reading the newspaper. Not only was this a huge waste of valuable time in the morning, but the news set a tone of negativity and dread for the whole day. I would assume the whole world is a bad and dangerous place based on the news, and that is so far from accurate. I try to stay informed about local news a few times a week and that’s it.
When I stopped watching the news in the morning and started my morning with a positive reading and exercise, my entire day and life became a much better place. It was not an easy habit to break. I view the news like a cancer on my attitude and looking at it that way helped me realize I don’t need to consume it. This article in the Guardian, explains how and why News is bad for us. News Is Bad For You.
6. Get On An Exercise Regimen
I’m a firm believer in the power of exercise. Hundreds if not thousands of articles and studies have shown the power of exercise on people’s attitudes and happiness. Working out helps me release pent-up anger or frustration. I can literally feel the negative thoughts fading away during a nice run. Getting started on an exercise program can help people in recovery start to build their body back up. This will help get rid of the negativity and guilt many of us addicts have about the damage we have done to our bodies. Exercise can help build self-esteem and give you a positive sense of well-being.
The hardest part of exercising is getting started. If you want to start but don’t know how or are scared, just stop overthinking and go. Many gyms have a bunch of classes for beginners or trainers that will coach you and give you recommendations. If you don’t have the money for a gym membership, go for a run, walk, bike ride, anything that gets your body moving and gets those endorphins pumping.
Now that I’m sober exercise has helped me meet new people and get out of my comfort zone. Generally speaking most people you meet at a gym or exercise class are focused on positive changes in their life.
7. Build A Connection With Your Higher Power
The first time I went to an AA meeting I thought they were religious nut jobs because I saw the word God in the 12 steps. After being involved in AA for years now I have a totally different and realistic understanding of AA and God/Higher Power. When either the word God or higher power is used in any 12 step meeting it is a recommendation and not a rule. Your higher power can be anything that is a power greater than yourself. Some examples of peoples higher powers are :
- God
- Mother Nature, Nature
- The Universe
- The Creator
- Buddha
- Allah
- G.O.D – Group Of Drunks/Good Orderly Direction
- G.O.D Backwards – D.O.G – (my favorite)
- The Sun and Stars
Hopefully, you get the gist. So please don’t be turned off by the word God or higher power. All it means is any power greater than yourself. Building a positive connection with a higher power of your understanding is a great way to build up faith and cut out negativity in your life. If your higher power is God or you practice any form of religion then join some groups at your local church. Getting involved with your local parish or church will get you outside yourself and see the power of good in other people.
8. Don’t Settle For Anything In Your Relationships
During addiction, many of us addicts have awful, abusive, drug-fueled relationships. When we get sober it’s easy to turn to relationships as a new addiction. In some cases one person gets sober and the other doesn’t, the sober person now makes it their mission to get the other clean. This rarely works out.
Many addicts in early recovery have such low self-esteem that we settle for a relationship that is not healthy. We assume that this person is the best we can do so we settle and accept the negativity. It doesn’t matter who you are and what you’ve dealt with in the past, you deserve a healthy, positive, and fulfilling relationship with your significant other. Don’t be afraid to take time off from dating to work on yourself.
9. Stop Worrying About Other Peoples Opinions
I hate admitting this, but I spent my whole life trying to please other people. I was so concerned with their image and opinions of me. Living life worrying about other people’s opinions is mentally draining. Not only did I exhaust myself trying to please everyone, but I lost my true self in the process.
Millions of people both addicts and non-addicts alike live their entire lives in a self-imposed prison of others’ opinions. If you are struggling with this, it’s OK. Try taking it day by day. Don’t cave into others’ demands, don’t change how you dress or talk to please others. Just keep doing the next right thing and being you. Some people may not like this but that is OK. No one on the planet is liked by everyone. Some people say to me ” So what you’re saying is be selfish?”. NO that’s not what I’m saying at all. What I’m saying is, there is a huge difference between helping others and being a people pleaser. Living life trying to please everyone is unrealistic and impossible.
With social media, it can be very hard to not worry about other people’s opinions of you but it’s necessary. As soon as I decided to live my life and not try to please everyone, my life became substantially better. I’m not drained every day from people-pleasing, I can be myself anytime anywhere. I feel a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in life. One of my favorite quotes is,
“Be Who You Are And Say What You Feel, Because Those Who Mind Don’t Matter And Those Who Matter Don’t Mind”
-Bernard Baruch
10. Meditate, Practice Mindfulness
Meditation has been around for thousands of years and is becoming very popular. It’s an unbelievably effective and simple way to clear your head and change your attitude. Meditating allows me to stop the chaos, clear my negative thoughts, and get a fresh start with a positive attitude. It is simple but not easy. All you need to start meditating is a quiet space and 5 minutes.
I’m fascinated when people tell me they tried meditating and it’s too hard. What I hear when someone says that to me is “I can’t stand my own thoughts for 5 minutes”. That statement is by no means meant to put anyone down, I was like that for a long time. Like anything in life, meditation takes time and practice. The best way I’ve ever heard someone describe meditating for the first time was this,
” Meditating for the first time is like checking your e-mail for the first time after letting it build up for 20 years. You’re overwhelmed with years of thoughts and memories that you have never taken the time to think about and process.”
-Dr. Joe Dispenza
After getting through the first few times of meditating it becomes substantially easier. If you want to start meditating and being more mindful but don’t know how to start, check out videos online or download a meditation app. There are many free apps like Calm, Headspace, and Insight Timer that will help you get started and guide you.
11. Join Yoga, Tai Chi, Or Other Calming Activities
Just like meditating yoga and tai chi allow you to take a break from the grind and clear away some stress in your head. The reason yoga is so effective is it combines stretching, working out, and meditating. If exercise and meditation had a baby it would be yoga! Yoga and tai chi release tension in your body while simultaneously releasing endorphins in the brain. Healthline has an article, 13 Benefits of Yoga. The first 2 benefits in the article are reduced stress and reduced anxiety. (Source)
If you’re worried about being the new person in a yoga class, don’t be. I am a 6 ft 250 lb guy who’s not very flexible and I did fine in yoga. In every yoga class, I’ve been to, the instructors work with new people and are very nice and accommodating to allowing people time to learn the basics. If you’re that worried about being the new person, simply go online and learn some yoga moves before you do your first class.
12. Don’t Play The Victim Card
If you view yourself as a victim, you set yourself up for failure before you even step out the door. Blaming other people for our failures or circumstances in life is the easy way out. Taking a look in the mirror and facing the truth is hard. Of course, stuff happens in life that is truly not our fault, but blaming others does nothing. It has become somewhat of a trend in our society to claim victim status. I can’t understand this. Maybe people are seeking out sympathy or some other ulterior motive.
I spent 4 years in prison. When I was waiting to get sentenced I blamed the DA for being too hard, the judge for agreeing with the DA, the lawyer for not being good enough, the cop for charging me, the doctor who first prescribed me Oxycontin, and everyone else in my life. It was everyone else’s fault except me. I was being the ultimate victim. This attitude created a negative outlook on life and dug a deeper hole of misery for me.
It took me years to finally look in the mirror and say “You broke the law, all those people were just doing their jobs. You have no one to blame except yourself“. Once I did this I was able to face the truth and move on. Also, a huge burden of anger towards all those people was immediately freed from my conscious. This burden of anger was like a concrete block of negativity that I carried for years. I gave all those people power over me by claiming I was the victim.
13. Learn To Love Yourself
We need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself!
I want to be very clear, there is a big difference between loving yourself and being arrogant or egotistical. When we begin to love ourselves we will notice self-confidence and self-esteem start to build up. Building up self-esteem is a great way to destroy negativity. It’s very hard to be negative when you love yourself and show others love.
Learning to love yourself is not an easy task, especially for recovering addicts who have done so much harm to themselves and others in the past. The best thing to do is face these harms head-on but with some type of help or guidance. This may be therapy for some or a sponsor for others. Just remember your past does not define you. We can’t change our past, but we can build a better future.
14. Limit Your Time In Front Of Technology
Screens, screens, and more screens everywhere we look. If you take a walk down the street everyone is looking straight down at their phone. Technology especially social media has a way of destroying people’s confidence and self-image. We see highlight reels of everyone else’s life and it’s always the best parts. Every person and every couple has fights and struggles. Most people only post the best parts of their lives on social media, this is a facade. Don’t compare yourself to other people on social media.
Having a face to face conversations with family and friends, or being out in nature are great ways to connect and relieve stress. Ironically, social media actually disconnects us from the world. We lose our ability for real genuine intimate connections with other people and create a false reality of the real world.
Try and set rules for yourself. Simple things go a long way. I have a no-technology rule for the first 20 minutes every morning. This allows me to clear my thoughts and not start texting and swiping until I’m awake and in a good mood. A good place to start is by making dinner time be technology-free, which means no phone or TV, even if the TV is just in the background, turn it off. That is a great rule for anybody, but especially good if you have children. Try making your first 20 minutes of every day and last 20 minutes of the day technology-free.
15. Practice Self-Affirmations
Self-affirmation – the recognition and assertion of the existence and value of one’s individual self. I always laughed when I saw someone in a movie talking to themselves in the mirror saying “I’m worth it, I will do great today, I’m loved”. I thought they were corny and how the hell would saying something to yourself make any real change. Not only was my view judgmental but also wrong. Self-affirmations work and are incredibly easy to do. According to psychology today, affirmations work because they have the ability to program your mind into believing the stated concept. This is because the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real or fantasy. (source)
I don’t like to admit this, but when I was in the grips of addiction I tried to end my life. I had no self-esteem. Now that I’m sober I still need to work on my self-image and self-esteem every day. This is due to years of beating myself down. My affirmation every morning is “I’m Loved, I’m Worth sobriety, I’m worth happiness”. Simple and effective. You will find yourself living by your affirmation without even thinking about it. Many people including myself expected a magic rainbow right after I said this for the first time. This is a process that takes time and requires patience. The key is consistency!!
Pick an area of your life that you want to better and create an affirmation. 1-2 sentences are all you need. Write it down and say it to yourself twice every morning, for at least 45 days. If you don’t believe they work, think about a negative affirmation. Has anyone ever told you you’re worthless, fat, ugly, or dumb? You probably got mad and let that thought sit in your head. Maybe you started to second guess yourself…“am I fat?” The negative thought affected you and stuck around. This is the same concept just with positive affirmations.
16. Be the Bigger Person (Don’t Seek Revenge Or Hold Grudges)
Anger and resentment will drain your mental well-being. When we get angry it usually clouds our judgment and kills positive thoughts. If you are pissed at someone and seeking revenge you are spending a crazy amount of energy on a negative behavior that will have no good outcome. Revenge and grudges accomplish nothing except negative karma, negative thoughts, possibly legal troubles, as well as maybe getting hurt yourself.
I find it very satisfying to wave hello and smile to the guy giving me the finger when I’m driving. If he wants to ruin his day because of traffic that’s his problem, but I won’t let it put me in a bad mood. We are all human and sometimes it takes a lot of effort not to seek revenge, but it’s the right choice. If someone does something that really pisses me off I speak my mind to them and then simply cut them out of my life.
17. Stand Up For Yourself
Holding in feelings can create a time-bomb of negative emotions. Some of us addicts have such low self-esteem, we let people walk all over us in early recovery. We think we don’t deserve anything good after what we did in our past. This will lead to a mountain of resentments and anger that will most likely explode at the wrong time and place.
If someone upsets you or wrongs you, simply try to speak to them in a respectful tone and tell them how you feel. Remember you can’t control them, maybe they’ll be receptive and say sorry, maybe they’ll get angrier. No matter how they react this is about you getting your feelings out. If they don’t respond the way you would like, then simply walk away knowing you cleaned your side of the street and didn’t let it bubble up inside you.
18. Volunteer
Volunteering is one of the most universal ways to boost your mood and feel better about life. No matter how depressed I may be if I help others and volunteer I always leave in a substantially better mood. Volunteering is great because we get to help others while building our mood at the same time.
When we volunteer we get out of our own negative thinking and realize how trivial many of our worries can be. I might be mad because my car broke down and cost me $700 to repair. Then I go help out at the animal shelter or YMCA and see the fault in my thinking. If my car breaking down is my biggest worry, then life is pretty good. Many people don’t have a car, or a home, or any family.
19. Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude
In my opinion, gratitude is the best way to get rid of negative thoughts and enjoy life. Like I explained in the previous paragraph, no matter how bad you may think you have it, there is plenty to be grateful for. Instead of looking at what you don’t have, look at what you do have. I woke up today, my family woke up today, I’m healthy, I have a job, I have a car, I have a great support network, I’m grateful I didn’t die during my addiction.
If you are feeling down about your situation or your life, take a minute and make a gratitude list. Write down 5 things you’re grateful for. Many people even have gratitude jars or boxes. Every day write 3 things you’re grateful for and put them in your jar. Whenever your feeling depressed pull out a few sheets from your jar and read them. I bet you will walk away in a better mood!! No matter how bad of a day I have there is always plenty to be grateful for!!
Trimming The Fat
Negativity is like excess fat. Unless you’re an explorer in Antarctica, being 100lbs overweight is unhealthy. It’s a waste of energy. If you are 100lbs overweight that is 100 extra pounds your body has to carry around. It creates a great strain on your heart, muscles, and brain. I weighed 280lbs at one point in my life. That’s roughly 100lbs more than recommended for an adult male. It was hard for me to go upstairs sometimes, I got winded a lot, it was an overall strain to do daily tasks.
Negativity is the same way. When you have negative thoughts and habits, they drain you physically, mentally, and spiritually. Undo negativity and stress can literally feel like carrying around a concrete slab all day. A stressful negative lifestyle can bring upon a host of health problems including heart disease, high blood pressure, blood clots, unhealthy eating, and even relapse!! Try to cut out as many negative aspects of your life as possible. Remember you didn’t create these negative habits overnight, you’re not going to get rid of them overnight. Have patience and be consistent!!! One step at a time – One day at a time!!
-Kyle Ruggeri-
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