First, it was alcohol and weed. Then it progressed to cocaine, alcohol, and ecstasy. Finally, I was injecting heroin and cocaine multiple times a day. This progression took years. From the day I started using drugs until the day I got sober was roughly 14 years. I didn’t become a full-blown addict overnight, and I’m not going to rebuild my life in one night. Rebuilding our lives after addiction is a process that takes time and patience.
Many addicts, including myself, expected to fix all the damage I caused in my addiction in the first month I was sober. I tried to make amends, get a job, repair relationships, pay bills, and get in shape, all in the first couple months of sobriety. What happened was none of that got done because I overwhelmed myself with unrealistic expectations and the inevitable happened…I relapsed.
Here Are 12 Tips To Rebuild Your Life After Addiction
1. Your Recovery and Sobriety Must Come Before Everything Else
That may sound like a selfish or ridiculous statement to some people. People with kids always argue this with me and say that nothing comes before their kids. My response is “anything you put in front of your recovery and sobriety you will lose”. Putting your recovery first is actually the best possible thing you can do for your kids. This ensures that you will be there for them and be a good, responsible, reliable, sober parent. Drinking and drug use leads to only a few outcomes: you will die, get arrested, go to rehab, or in a select small amount of cases you live a miserable life where your kids stray from you and your relationship with them is awful because of your drinking and drug use.
When we say your recovery must come before everything else that doesn’t mean you love your kids any less, or you don’t care about your job and providing for your family. What this means is you know that when you’re clean and sober you’re a good person, but when you’re drinking and drugging you’re a liar, cheater, and thief. We are unreliable, miserable, and manipulative during addiction. So in order to avoid going back to that miserable way of life, we need to put your recovery first.
Last year at Christmas, both mom’s and dad’s sides of the family were together for the first time in a long time. Everyone was at our house having a great time. I started to feel uncomfortable because people were drinking and partying. Even though it will probably be a long time before the whole family is together like this again, I left. I left and went to an AA meeting to keep my recovery first. No one was mad at me, they all understand I need to do whatever I need to in order to stay sober on a daily basis.
2. Patience is the Key
During this rebuilding period, you need to have patience. Did you hit rock bottom the first time you ever tried drugs or drank? Probably not. Addiction is a progressive disease that gradually gets worse for drug users. Our lives didn’t get this bad overnight and we are not going to fix everything overnight.
“It typically takes up to 2 years before drug addicts brains start to function at a normal level. This depends on many factors but the key is abstaining from using anymore drugs or alcohol. We see the most damage done in the brains of Methamphedamine Users.”
-Dr. Patricia Halligan (MD, Addiction Psychiatrist, Board Certified)
It will most likely take years to rebuild your life and get your brain back to a normal state. How long this process takes will depend on how long you used drugs, how much damage was done, and your lifestyle in recovery. Don’t let this get you down. It’s not an end goal, it’s a journey. Every day I stay sober is a positive day in which I’m rebuilding my life.
3. Break Tasks Down Into Small Chunks
It’s very easy to get overwhelmed in early recovery and get a case of the “Fuck It’s” then go out and get high. I did this and my 3-day relapse didn’t make any of my problems go away, it compounded them and made everything worse. I tried to fix my whole life all at once and this was such a monumental task that was completely unrealistic.
After my relapse and getting back to my recovery program, I started to break things down in manageable size chunks. I would pick something to focus on each day or week and not worry about the other things. I let my college loan default for the past 5 years, one more week wasn’t going to cause tons of damage. This specific week I would concentrate on getting my license and insurance back. 
If you have a stack of bills you’ve been avoiding for months, you don’t have to open 50 letters at once. Break it down into manageable chunks. Open 5 letters a day and organize them, figure out what you need to do and then don’t touch anymore until the next day.
4. Create A Recovery Plan
People getting out of rehab or a correctional facility often get a treatment plan to take with them. Your recovery program is going to have similar things that your treatment plan does. You need to find out what things help keep you sober, what things are positive and beneficial to rebuilding your life, and what things are going to be negative.
Many rehabs will have the patient and counselors create a treatment plan together during their stay at the facility. If the rehab you or your loved one attended didn’t offer a treatment plan upon completion, then you should work with another sober peer to create one of your own. Use your treatment plan as a base for building your recovery program.
Include Things Like:
- Your triggers and how to avoid them or face them if you’re in a situation you can’t avoid
- Goals (recovery goals, lifestyle goals, financial goals,) and how you’re going to achieve those goals.
- Sober support network. Who is already there for support and who can be added
- Emergency phone numbers. People you can call if you have a drug craving or relapse
- Dates/times/locations of 12 step programs ( AA, NA, Al-Anon)
- Motivations for staying clean and sober
- Schedules for incorporating enough exercise/sleep into your life
There are countless things that can be added to a recovery plan. Don’t complicate it. There are 3 main factors you need:
- How you’re going to stay sober on a daily basis?
- Who’s in your support network?
- What are your recovery goals? How are you going to manage life (jobs, family, stress) and keep your recovery strong?
5. Relationship’s Take Time To Repair
Many of us addicts get sober and after 4-5 weeks sober we expect our friends and family to treat us like nothing ever happened. This is completely unrealistic to expect of others. I spent years lying, cheating, and stealing from my family, they aren’t just going to trust me after a few months sober. My family saw me get clean multiple times and I would be clean for roughly a month then start using again. Many family and friends are going to be wary that you’re going to start using again. They have heard all our excuses and promises a million times and our words don’t hold much weight.
The only thing that is going to help repair broken and shaky relationships is time and actions. Our friends and family need to heal and recover in their own time. I can’t control anyone else on this planet but myself. One person may start trusting me again after 6 months and another it might take 6 years, and that’s fine.
My friends and family were tired of my broken promises so what really started to show them I was serious about being and staying sober was my actions. They saw I was on time, going to meetings, paying my bills, exercising, just overall being a better person. As time went on and they saw my actions change into being more responsible, honest, and truly committed to my recovery, they started to trust me more, and be willing to mend past mistakes.
6. There Is No One Size Fits All In Sobriety
In early recovery and throughout recovery in general, there will be people that tell you what you need to do to stay sober. There is no right way to do recovery. Everybody’s recovery program is different, and there is no magic program. When someone tells me I need to do something specific to stay sober I will listen and take mental notes but also look at their program. When someone who’s happy, sober, and living a great life gives me suggestions I listen to them. Maybe I only take a few things from them, and a few from someone else, and a few from a rehab I went to, that’s fine. Most of our recovery programs have similarities with others, but it’s still unique to me.
I can’t tell you which recovery program is best for you, but I can tell you that if you don’t have any recovery program it’s almost guaranteed you will start drinking and drugging again.
7. Don’t Rush Into A Relationship
Addicts feel lonely and empty during early recovery because we don’t have our escape anymore. When addicts get sober we have a huge hole in our hearts. Heroin and cocaine (speedball) was the love of my life for years, and when I stopped I felt this huge void like I lost a loved one. Many addicts try to fill this void by jumping into a relationship. It’s normal to feel that way and the feeling gets easier and better with time. We don’t need to force a relationship to feel better.
When we try to fill this void with a relationship we are just substituting one addiction for another and not getting to the root of the problem. Before I was ready to date I needed to figure out the reason I used drugs in the first place. I needed to build a solid recovery foundation before I started adding to my life.
Relationships take work. I couldn’t manage to run my own life in early recovery. Adding more stress and anxiety of a new relationship onto that was a disaster waiting to happen. If you’re in early recovery take time to focus and work on yourself. Get yourself into a good place mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically before you worry about finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. If you work on yourself and build a solid recovery program you will find that special person for you.
8. Incorporate An Exercise Program Into Your Life
We all know exercise is good for us and helps our body and mind feel better, but exercise is particularly important for recovering addicts. Our brains are in repair mode after years of abuse. Exercise helps rebuild our brains faster. According to scientific America,” A study from Stockholm showed that the antidepressant effect of running was also associated with more cell growth in the hippocampus, an area of the brain responsible for learning and memory.” Source.
For some people exercise becomes a huge part of their recovery and they work out hours a day and love it. You may not be this person and that’s fine. You don’t need to be a gym rat to get positive effects from exercise. A simple daily half-hour walk at a brisk pace can do wonders to help clear your head and get your blood flowing.
Programs like Rocovery Fitness are awesome!! Rocovery is all about recovery through exercise and fitness. You can connect with others in recovery while getting the benefits of exercise. They offer everything from yoga to high-intensity interval training, for free to anyone. Their only requirement is you must have at least 48 hours clean from drugs and alcohol.
9. Your Brain Is Going To Take Months/Years To Repair Itself. Positive Lifestyle Changes Can Help The Process
During early recovery, our brains are a mess. During addiction, we pumped our brain full of foreign substances that confused our brain’s reward systems. Now our brains have a hard time finding any happiness without these foreign chemicals. If you are experiencing this don’t panic, it’s normal. Every day a person abstains from drugs and alcohol is one more day their brain is repairing itself.
“It takes up to 2 years for brain function recovery in drug addicts. That being said the reward center has been permanently altered forever. The brain changes we see improvement in is dopamine receptors, and prefrontal cortex which starts operating at normal speed again. These dopamine receptor changes and prefrontal cortex changes all seem to normalize at about the 2 years mark of sobriety. “
– Dr. Patricia Halligan MD, Addiction Psychiatrist, Board Certified
During this period, and throughout our recovery, It’s important to do things that boost dopamine and create natural endorphins in our brains to help the rebuilding process. Here are some natural ways to increase dopamine and endorphins (source):
- Exercise
- Get Enough Sleep
- Meditate
- Pray
- Having sex (healthy sex)
- Healthy Diet
- Positive Bonding With Loved Ones/Pets
10. Lean On Others For Support
There’s a reason programs like AA, NA, and Al-Anon are so effective. Us addicts and alcoholics can lean on others who understand our struggles. Use this support to your benefit. It doesn’t have to be people in a 12-step program, it can be your friends from rehab, church friends, or a family member, as long as it’s someone who is positive and going to help, not hurt you.
I spent the majority of my life refusing to ask people for help because I was “a tough guy” who didn’t need help. YEA RIGHT. I was an IDIOT who tried to do everything on my own and hide my feelings. This mentality leads me to great levels of depression and more drug use.
Use your support. Call them, text them, message them, anything, just use them for help and love when you need it. Great article on Importance of a Support Network In Recovery
11. Get Treatment For Others Illness’s or Issues
I would not be sober today if I didn’t work on mental health along with my recovery. Roughly 50 percent of individuals with severe mental disorders are affected by substance abuse, (Source). The majority of addicts have some type of other issues that need to be overcome along with addiction. Eating disorders, sexual addictions, mental health issues, and past trauma are just a few.
My depression which I was diagnosed with at 17, but got substantially worse after 5 concussions on the football field, was a huge part of my recovery. I had to work on my mental health in order to keep my sobriety and recovery in check. This meant getting outside help from doctors and therapist, along with medication for depression. DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU YOU’RE NOT REALLY SOBER IF YOU TAKE MEDICATIONS. I’m not suggesting you go to the doctor and say I need as many pills as you can give me Doc. Not a good idea. But if you and your doctor discuss taking something for mental health, that’s fine, and that’s no one else’s business except you and your doctor.
12. Life Is Not All Rainbow’s and Butterflies, But Being Sober Is Way Better Than Active Addiction
There is a common misconception that once someone gets sober their life is going to be easy and wonderful every day. I wouldn’t trade my worst day in sobriety for my best day getting high, but life is not always easy and fun. Addicts and alcoholics in recovery are going to have bad days, and bad weeks like everyone else. We are going to have bills, breakups, and deaths to deal with. Life is going to happen to me no matter what, but one thing I know for sure is that dealing with life is way easier when I’m sober instead of being high and miserable.
Drugs and alcohol helped me escape the realities and responsibilities of life for a short period of time. The problem is once the drugs and alcohol wear off, all those same problems and issues are still there, except now they are worse because of my drug use.
I still have bad days and even bad weeks sometimes, but I know picking up a drink or drug will only make it worse. Sober life is fun and way way way better than I ever imagined.